


"When did you know"

by CherryPie9



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist is a Mechanism, M/M, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), They talk about being trans, Trans Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Trans Martin Blackwood, and all of that fun stuff, i was Projecting, they invented love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26886211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryPie9/pseuds/CherryPie9
Summary: Jon and Martin spend a quiet morning together talking about their pasts. Featuring some trans feels and some Mechs!
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 13
Kudos: 177





	"When did you know"

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a little one shot that I wrote to work out my feelings about my own gender and it because a Mechs!Jon fic because I really really love Mechs!Jon and I just couldn't help myself.

“When did you know” 

The question comes muffled from the man curled around Jon in the bed. It was early morning with the sun just poking through the windows and both of them were awake. They had nowhere to be, however, so they were content to lazily enjoy the morning together tucked under the covers of the surprisingly comfortable bed. Martin had to hand it to Daisy, she didn’t seem to be one for prioritizing comfort but this was one of the nicest beds he’d ever slept on. 

Martin was gently caressing the scars across Jon’s chest, just two of many scars sprinkled across his small body but the only 2 made on purpose. 

“I suppose it was the end of year 9? I just started realizing that I never quite fit with the other girls and they were part of a world I never belonged in. I never really had a moment where I just Knew but there was a month towards the end of the school year where I suppose I had my gender crisis.” 

It came spilling out of Jon quickly, almost like he’d been compelled, but there was nothing spooky about his statement. It just felt right and he wanted to share it with Martin, knowing that he’d understand. 

Martin shifted closer, using one arm to wrap himself impossibly closer to Jon, the other still absentmindedly running across Jon’s chest. It felt nice for Jon even if he didn’t have a whole lot of feeling in that area and for Martin it was a nice texture under his fingers. 

“I played Tennis that year in school,” at this Jon’s voice took on a light, reminiscent tone, “And there was this girl on the team who called everyone ‘girly.’ Not like their personality but as a noun. She’d see you and say ‘Hey, Girly!’ like seeing you was the highlight of her day. There was something so intimate about it that it never felt wrong. Because she did this, a lot of other girls on the team developed the habit of calling each other ‘girly’ and it hurt when they said it. I think that was a part when I realized, I hated when anyone else called me a girl like that.” 

Martin had stopped rubbing his chest and was just tapping his fingers lightly on his stomach. It seemed familiar to Jon, like a song he couldn’t quite place. The feeling was so intimate that Jon was suddenly overcome with emotion. He started crying quietly, cheeks damp, his love for Martin unable to be contained in his small frame. 

Martin sat up and pulled away from him, alarmed, “Jon, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize that this could be triggering for you.” 

Jon, laughed a little through bleary eyes and Martin's face changed from an expression of concern to confusion. 

“N-no Martin, I’m okay. I’m not crying because I’m upset. It’s just… I never thought I would get,” and he gestures vaguely around him, “this.” 

“Oh,” Martin’s face visibly relaxes, the lines disappearing almost as fast as they appeared. 

Jon pulled him back down into his chest, holding him gently, hands running through the soft tuft of hair on top of his partner’s head. 

“What? You never thought you would become an avatar of intangible fear god? Funny ‘cause I had penciled that in on my 5 year plan” 

The full body laugh that rang out from the bedroom competed with the silence of the Scottish countryside. 

“What about you? How’d you know?”

“Oh I think I had a pretty stereotypical experience. I went through a bit of an emo phase in high school and then after high school I had some friends who still were into that scene. I grew out of my alt phase but it’s where I first found out that I didn’t have to be a girl anymore. Honestly it was such a relief. I remember the first concert I went to with a group of them after I came out. We were all wearing pins and flags on our jackets and it was the first time I had noticed how many people were queer. I remember that night so vividly to this day. I wore a jean jacket and I had my hair up in a bun with dark eyeliner. It was the first time in a long time I had felt like myself.” 

The fondness in Martin’s voice made Jon smile. He wished he had been there for that night, and wished he could share that memory with him because he knew it was something special to Martin. 

“What band was it that you saw that night?,” If he couldn’t share the memory with his boyfriend, maybe he could share the music

“Oh you probably haven’t heard of them. They played for a few years and I got to see a few of their concerts. I loved their music, still do actually. They were called The Mechanisms. They stopped playing a few years ago though.” 

And with this suddenly Jon recognized the pattern of beats that Martin was playing on his stomach. It all clicked. Martin, unaware of the realization that his partner was having, laid content in the memory of those happy nights, lay content in the now of this happy morning. And then he heard low and quietly from behind him,

“Oh my loves, raise a glass  
To those we leave behind  
We may end up dead,  
with a bullet in the head”

Jon’s voice was stronger now, slipping back into the old persona, a person with the freedom he hadn’t had in a long time. Martin was staring at him in shock. He hadn’t quite registered the scene unfolding in front of him yet. 

“But if we’re not returning  
from this damn fool quest  
Then tonight let’s drown  
our sorrows down with whisky”

Jon held out the last note and then it was silent in the small room. It felt thick and heavy as Jon watched Martin’s face contort through some version of the 5 stages of grief. He went from confusion to disbelief to embarrassment and then finally, after a few seconds, he broke out in a wide grin. Jon returned a shy, uncertain smile. Martin opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and furrowed his brows. Jon waited, letting him work through whatever he wanted to say. At last, after a minute or so had passed, Martin opened his mouth again and began to softly sing, 

“Guinevere you’re my stars,  
Arthur you’re my night  
And I know we’ve got to ride  
At the dawn's first light,” 

Jon, realizing what was happening, joined in for the next verse. Martin grabbed his hands and squeezed, trying to convey all of the emotions he couldn’t say, all of the ones that he couldn’t sing. 

“And I ain’t saying this  
preacher man’s crusade ain’t right  
But first let’s fuel a  
Few more sins with whisky”

They were sitting now in bed, holding hands facing each other, grinning like teenagers. The silence that followed wasn’t filled with anything except love, as was the embrace they shared. The quiet was broken by Martin’s giggles muffled into Jon’s shoulder. 

“Jonny D’ville, eh?”

“Tis’ I, your humble captain” 

Without any hesitation Martin responded, “First mate,” and then stopped his playful protests with a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> The song is Blood and Whiskey from the album High Noon over Camelot by the Mechs. Hope you enjoyed it! Leave a comment if you want to chat, I really appreciate all comments!


End file.
